What Snow...

Trust and the True Religion

2007-09-02T23:37:58Z

So I realize I haven't posed any spiritual topics lately, nor have I written in this thing all summer. You'd think at Church Camp, all sorts of religous questions would come up. Well they did, but not really.

So I have two things that are on my mind.

The first one has to do with trust. In third session of camp our campers were all about deep religous thought. It was actually quite crazy. Anyway, some of the stories we were reading out of the bible had to do with Jesus' journey in choosing his apostles. In short, most of the stories went a little like this...Jesus walks into town and everyone has heard of his amazingness and people are skeptical but in awe at the same time because he's a huge celebrity. He walks up to someone like a tax collector and say simply, "Follow me". And the tax collector drops what he's doing and leads us to believe that he just walked away from everything. He didn't say "let me think about it" or "i need to say goodbye to my family." He just follows Jesus. This is what we're taught to do. We're taught to follow Jesus before everything. I can't grasp this concept. Had I been alive, whoring myself out on the street, see Jesus, this man that has performed miracles beyond human nature, and had he approached me and said "Follow Me, Mary and I will change your life." I wouldn't do it. I'd have to seriously think about it. I'd have to talk to my friends. I'd have to know where he was going. From this, I learned a few things about myself. I figured out the reason why I have a hard time grasping the idea of giving up all of my problems, all of my burdens to Jesus and God and trusting that they have it under control. Its not that its an impossible thought, but what it boils down to are my trust and control issues. I have trust issues because I need to be in control. Which, all of this is even a bit weird because I love to take things as they come, I love to never use maps or directions, i love getting lost and exploring. But, I trust myself, so I'm ok. However, in matters of other people leading me, I can't handle it. So why would Jesus be any different? He's not. I believe in all this Jesus stuff but I won't follow him 100% until I can trust. I'm just not sure what that next step is.

My second issue has to do with a more cultural issue. I believe that every religion is the true religion. I believe in Jesus Christ and that he died to save me. I respect that Jewish people, do not believe in Jesus. I respect that a small village in Africa has many Gods. Because of this, I do not believe that Christian Missionaries should go into places such as Africa and tell them that everything they've ever known is wrong. Why can't there be more than one religion? Why can't there be multiple Gods? Why does me believing that, not make me a christian? (as I was told at a party on Friday night). How would you feel if someone came up to you and said, everything you know about your God is actually not true. Its the God Fish, Scalia that you should be worshiping because this fish created everything and through time, we've developed from fish to people. We would all think thats crazy. But...what if it was truth for that person? I just think that "spreading the good news" is a little silly. There is a difference between converting and spreading. I don't mind talking to someone about what I believe, but I will never set out to convert someone to Christianity.

cowpiemares @ 2007-06-12T14:47:00

2007-06-12T20:30:39Z

I'm not really sure what the topic of this discussion would be. It did, however, begin with the argument of God's perfection. Most would say that God is perfect in everyway. He makes no mistakes and he is and knows all. He loves without question and he is everything. On the other hand, I've heard an argument that God is not "perfect". He has wants and desires. He wants to have a relationship with us all. When someone acheives "perfection", they no longer have needs or desires or wants. If God was perfect, he would not need or want relationships with those that do not know Him.
My thoughts lie in the middle. I agree with argument number two which would lead one to believe that God is NOT perfect. However, I believe that His imperfection makes Him perfect. Perfect is up for interpretation like the rest of the Bible. It is what you make it. Just like any story. My God is perfect because he wants and needs to have relationships with us and those needs are stated in the Bible.

Anyway, the conversation moved to our relationships with people and how they compare to God's relationship with us. Do opposite's attract? The argument is made that the best relationships happen between people that fill holes that are missing within the other person. I'll buy that? But does that mean that the people are opposites? I actually find that the best relationships are people that are more alike in the things that they are interested in and are challenged by the small differences. It also depends on if the couple, whether it be friends or romantic, is argumentative or not. If opposite's attract, then all Liberals would be attracted to Republicans...obviously this is silly. However, if you have two people, one conservative one liberal, and they both love to argue, then yes, they might make a good couple. I think good relationships are based more on the commonalities than the differences. Our relationship with God is not based on opposites or commonalities. The relationship we can have with God is completely unconditional and can not be compared to our relationships with people. Yes, God fills holes within us, but not in the same way as a physical person. I can't explain what exactly the hole God filled in myself was. People can fill specific holes. God fills a hole that is specific to Him. Its HIS hole.

I do not believe that opposites attract. I do not believe that total alikes attract. I do not believe that our relationship with God is like our relationship with other humans. I do beleive that for two people to attract they need more commonalities than differences, but they NEED to have differences. God is not going to fill the holes that we need from physical beings but his own hole. A hole that needs to be filled at some point in our lives.

A little help?

2007-06-01T01:55:06Z

So since I've discovered my newfound spirituality, there's been one thing I've been working really hard to do. And that is trust that the Lord will take care of me. This week has been weirdly difficult for me for reasons I do not need to even begin to complain about. Anyway, all week I have been thinking about things that have troubled me in the past. For most of the day I can put it out of my mind, but every so often, a chord is struck and I nearly break down. Now, the issue has been over and done with for a long time now, but for some reason is haunting me this week, and this week only. What I want to do is hand my problem over. Its an issue that I can't control. Something that I have to trust will work itself out with time. Knowing this, I feel like it should be easy to just say "Hey, God. Can you take this burden from me so I can focus on other more important things?" Well its not. I don't know why its not. Am I missing something in the "Giving it up to God." thing? Did I forget a step?

I guess I've just been reading so many scenarios in the Bible where people ask and they recieve if they trust in God. I'm not asking for anything physical or that involves anyone else. I'm only asking for myself and for the Lord's help. Why am I not being provided that help?

Or am I? Wow. Kellen, a girl from Brazil who is living in my house for the summer, found me in the basement cleaning up some old memories. She didn't ask what I was doing or what I even had in my hands. But she came down just to tell me that she got lost on the way home from school today. She rides a bike to Eastern Mennonite University every day. Today she thought she'd try a new way and got her self lost. The she said something along the lines of being literally lost is a lot like being lost in life. Sometimes we have to ask for help. We all know I'm a pretty stubborn person. Maybe this is where I need to ask the help of someone that knows God as well, if not more, than I do. Hmm. I'm on it.

Blue Like Jazz

2007-05-19T05:34:29Z

I read a book by Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz. Its an absolutely fantastic read if you're looking for a little more liberal approach to Christianity. Some of the points Don brings up are really influential.

I connected with this book for a few reasons. Don believes in God and he talks about looking up at the nightime sky and thinking that there must be no possible way for there NOT to be a God with something this amazing. When I knew there was a God, the first time I felt the Holy Spirit, I was outdoors. Whether it was the nightime sky or looking out over a mountain top, I get chills everywhere. Something made the earth. A Being. Something with emotion. Something that appreciates beauty. Something that feels.

The other part I really connected with on was Loving yourself and deserving God's love. I have never had a problem with loving people. Belive it or not, I care about people more than most people realize. My problem was that I didn't feel that I deserved to be loved in return, therefore I could no longer be in the relationship I was in at the time and I was miserable. What human is capable of giving so much love but refusing to accept it? Over this past year, I struggled heavily with finding reasons to love myself. Once I had, I was able to allow other into my life. God in particular. I do deserve God's love. Everyone deserves God's love. He created us. Why wouldn't you deserve the love of your creator? Having God's love and having love for myself, I think I can finally accept other people to love me.

There were so many other great things and stories in that book. I recommend it for sure.

Anyway, I went to Julia's tonight to watch a movie. Well, that didn't last long before we got to talking about random stuff. I finally just opened the door to talking about our spirituality. Julia is a Christian. She is a very wonderful Christian at that. After I told her where I was in my journey, she told me her testimony. Her testimony was amazing. She has so much more to her than I ever knew and it makes me want to know all Christians. Especially converts! I feel like knowing where she's come from and where she is, I will be able to really latch on to the life style. We talked for a long time. She said something that I love: When we do things through our own talents, we are wrong. When we do things through God, we are right. This may sound a little extreme but what she meant by this was that, when we hurt people's feelings and feel guilty about those things, we are saying things from within us. If we try to say things to people through God then those feelings are not hurt. Most recently in a situation I encountered with a friend, I said something Harsh. At first I was happy that I said what I said, because I was right. But yet the friend was upset and would not talk to me. But I think my true feelings came out and I wanted to hurt this friend. I was speaking through myself and through my own selfish deeds.

Anyway, I told Julia when we began our conversation that I was 95% a Christian. I left becoming 96% Christian.

Jesus is everyone's BFF

2007-04-29T20:34:42Z

Again, there is just something about Rob reading my mind. His sermon today was about having a spiritual based friendship with Jesus. However, he was also using a friend of his as an example. This friend of his was a student when he was a high school teacher. He was this man's Young Life leader and they both attended the same bible study. Twenty-four years later, they are still friends. He said it was because they were spiritual brothers and that makes perfect sense to me. Friends come and go. But those friends who you are connected to on a religous basis, you usually don't have a problem finding again, or keeping in touch. I connect this with the Madea quote that I've used before about how some people in your lives are roots and are with you always, and other people are leaves, which come and go as the seasons change. It makes sense that friends you make on a spiritual level are roots in my life, because the point Rob was making was that a friendship wtih Jesus never dies. It keeps growing and growing. And these people that you have as your spritual brothers and sisters, guide you and accompany you growing in Christ.

Ann gave me my new bible today. I wasn't expecting it to be so nice. It has the leather cover and is known as a red text edition (where the words of Jesus are all written in red). She even made me the multiribbon bookmark. When I got home, I flipped through it to see what the "Life Application" part was about. It has a little summary of each book and there are little notes at the bottom of each page that describe what just happened in the text. Its REALLY nice. I was noticing her little bookmarks and how they had already been placed within the book. I turned to the first ribbon. There on the page was a highlighted verse. It was the verse that her and I had talked about last Sunday. I checked out the other ribbon marks and they all had highlighted verses on the page that were meant to help guide me. I love this woman. She is one of the kindest most amazing people I've ever met. I'm SO thankful I found Clover Hill. I guess I owe Phil a little for that.

Amazing Grace

2007-04-22T16:49:45Z

I went to church this morning. I went with a little sadness, but nothing to be worried over. Rob had a very nice candle lighting in memory of those that lost their lives at VT and for thought of those that are affected. The candles were situated on a layered tier type stand and they spelled out VT. The choir got up and lit each candle. I almost had a hard time making it through that. Then Rob said a prayer. I started to get a little choked up but pulled myself together.

The Gospel was about when Jesus showed himself again to his disciples after the resurrection. They were on aboat fishing, unable to catch anything. A man from the shore yelled, try the right side. They switch their nets over and they could barely even pull the nexts back in because they were filled so high with fish. They realized it was Jesus.

During Rob's sermon, he reminded us that this was not the first time Jesus helped the fishermen catch fish. He had done it once before during his life time. Rob then told us that because we're human we sometimes need reminders about things. And in most cases God will send us reminders asking us if we love him.

My immediate thought was Wednesday night and the concert we had. The bells ringing from the top of Wilson Hall at the RIGHT time. That was God, speaking to me in my language, as Anne said. And Yes. I Love Him. I almost feel like I don't need to make sense of it anymore. It is because it is, and thats all I need.

After the service, I approached the altar directly infront of the lit VT candles. I kneeled down to pray. I started to cry. I cried for everyone. Everyone affected by the murders at VT, the murdered, and for myself. I cried because in this time of reflection about our love for our friends and family, I had to make the decision to respect, care about, pray for, and love a friend who I can no longer be friends with for my own good. I'm not mad or angry and I will be nothing but respecting of him, but he has made a choice in his life that does not include me any longer. I'm sure by the end of summer, we will have rekindled that friendship, but sometimes it takes leaving to learn the importance and significance of people in your lives. So I cried for that as well.

As I got up to leave, Anne, the church's pianist, saw me. I was awkwardly standing there with tears running down my face, wishing I could be hidden. She looked at me as I tried to form words, though I was unsuccessful in any explanation. All that came out was, "Hug Me." She embraced me. When we let go I was able to speak. I told her that I hadn't really dealt yet with everything at Virginia Tech, and that Rob really got to me. His entire sermon about Grace. Amazing Grace. I told her about the music and I told her about my spiritual journey. As she said some kind words to me and listened as well, I saw a tear fall from her eye. I am SO thankful to know this woman. As we talked about the heroics that were displayed down at Tech, she said, "I sometimes wonder if I'm ready to die." Then she said, "We often think do we have the Grace to die, but in times like these, we need the Grace to Live." She is absolutely right. She then told me that she was going to get me a copy of the NIV Life Application Bible, in which Rob who was standing right there, had a copy of himself.

I don't know what happened today. I don't know if I'm happy, or if I'm sad. If I'm sad, I'm not even sure what reason it is. But I'm feeling none the less. And thats a good. Its good to feel.

DuRAG Ministries

2007-04-22T02:59:04Z

Last night I went to a concert sponsored by DuRag ministries. DuRag is the african american ministry on campus at JMU, Bridgewater and Eastern Mennonite. I've heard awesome things about it from multiple people but one of my newest spiritual guides, AJ Mosely, is heavily envolved in the minisitry. AJ and I have a class together every tuesday in which I can't wait to go just so I can ask him questions! I love how he is extremely christian, but he still lives in the 21 century. He really doesn't judge a person by what they do. And he recognizes the differences between the bible in Jesus times and the bible today. He is an amazing person to talk to because he knows how to make you feel like you aren't stupid.

I told him about how I challenged myself by going to the cru prayer for VT on Monday night. I told him how I went expecting the group of us to listen to someone pray. But instead we broke up into small groups. And as everyone was taking turns praying in the circle, i was very intimidated because I was comfortable praying out loud. But I did it anyway. I tried and it was good but I still am not comfortable doing it. So AJ suggested that I pray outloud when I'm by myself. Which I still thought was weird, because I don't want my roomates to hear me. But its a challenge, and we all know I like a challenge. I prayed that way the other night and I still felt weird about it. But I'm definately going to try again.

I really enjoyed the DuRag concert. I really felt moved there. Its a place where you can do whatever you want and everyone is right there with ya. You can sit, you can stand, you can dance, you can clap, as long as you are getting what you need out of it. I think I'm going to go to DuRag ministries' weekly gathering. I might be the whitest person I know, but who cares as long as everyone is there for one common thing...to know Jesus.

Speaking of which, I've had no updates on this man. I'm still searching though.

What Snow...

2007-04-19T04:55:43Z

Tonight, was the first time ever, I heard the holy spirit. Right before I began conducting the Five Hebrew Love Songs, I explained to the audience my motivation for the piece. Which was all the different loves we feel for friends and family especially now after the murders at Virginia Tech. Then I dedicated the piece to those that lost their lives at virginia tech. The piece was beautifully started by an incredible piano intro by Ian Richard. He was amazing. Then the voices began and Chris began to make his violin soar. The movements were flying by and each one, more beautiful than the next. At the end of movement three, i cut the music off. As I was getting ready to start movement 4, "Elze Sheleg!", the bells on the top of Wilson hall began to ring. Ironically enough, the tones being rung are actually sung by the tenors later in the movement as they mimmick bells themselves. Everyone was just so excited! It could not have fallen more perfect in the piece.

It was at that moment that I experienced HEARING the Holy Spirit. That is God. That is Jesus Christ. I still have questions, but I know the ending of the story now.

I can't get over the amazingness of this.

Give Me Your Unconditional Love!

2007-04-17T03:05:52Z

I remember Columbine. I remember feeling sad, but not truly affected. The shooting at Virginia Tech has really messed me up. I've been really sad all day. I can't get it off my mind. I will randomly start to tear up or even cry depending on what I'm thinking about specifically. I just can't imagine being at school there. I can't believe that this really happened. I've thought a lot about God today. I've thought about how busy he must be trying to help console all the victim's family and friends. Console all the people that are indirectly affected. Thats a lot for one being to handle, no matter how great they may be. Imagine if everyone was counting on you to walk by their side and be a shoulder to cry on. And I mean everyone.

I guess what gets me the most is what comes from this. What can we learn from this? We can't learn how to be safer. This was a complete freak accident, there was no way anyone could have done anything to prevent this person from committing such ridiculousness. So what do we take away. I think this is one of those moments that through the lives of so many people, we get to relearn the meaning of Love. The different kinds of loves that exist and the how they affect our relationships with people.

Love. What is it? God's love for us. What does that mean? I'm not sure yet. I hear about it all the time. He sent us his son so that he could die for us in order to save us. He offered up HIS son! Thats love, right? He showed us that with death, there is life. A comfort that we all thirst for. Thats love. I want to know more about that, so if anyone has anything else to say about what God's love for us is then please go for it.

Then there is human love. Unconditional love. The love between parents to child and child to parent. No matter what someone does, they still care about you. The parents of the gunman. Thats unconditional love. My heart goes out to them. Love between Friends. A love that can come and go but will always have atleast a little spark. This love is clearly what we're all feeling right now. We're showing the love for our friends now more than we ever do right now. It might be with a hug, or a kiss, or even a single tear. Its there and its really presant right now. Then there is Love for a significant other, being IN love. The kind of love that is passionate and firey. The Kind of love where you'd give anything for that person's happiness.

I find it sad, but necessary, for events like these to take place in order for us to remember what its like to love the people that mean the most to us. To think about the people that we said we would never talk to again. How many people have you thought of today, that you had a falling out with, or are mad at? I've thought about all those people today. To the point where I've even thought about telling them that I've been thinking about them. But, I haven't done it and its because of my stubbornness.

Its a time to comfortably let your friends that live far away know that you love them. Its a time where family gets to check in on everyone. Its a time were people that don't even know each other can get together and pray about the same thing and experience a love between strangers. Love for your brothers and sisters through God the father.

I feel the holy spirit right now. I can only hope that everyone else will atleast feel it too, at one point or another through the next few days.

Holy Spirit Won't You Speak Through Me!

2007-04-12T17:43:48Z

I had soda with a friend last night at Luigi's. We got together to discuss religion and philosophies. He's a friend that is fun to argue with because through arguing you learn so much about the topic. Religously, we talked about Jesus being God. I liked that he pointed out that he believed that Jesus is NOW God. However, when Jesus was a live, he was a human and therefore imperfect. But when he was crucified he became God. We talked about God's perfection. He is the one that originally brought up this idea that God isn't perfect. I questioned that a lot. But through my own research and findings, I came to the same conclusion. However, in a previous post, Emily rebutted by saying it wasn't God that made the mistakes, it was Man that did it. So I asked him more about why he believed that God was imperfect and he said that God wants things. He has desires. He wants relationships with us. For God to want these things with his people, he is imperfect, because if he was, he would not need these things. He brought up that in the old testament there were times where Moses pleaded with God to change his mind, and God did. How can you change perfection? I really liked that insight.

We talked about the camp we work at and how we wish we could challenge the kids and the staff more spiritually. At MAD camp, the kids get about an hour for chaplains time each day. During chaplains time they talk about specific bible stories and discuss them or do an activity that will help them better understand what they are reading about. Then a cabin will plan a worship. This is so text book. These kids want to tell you how they feel, they want to ask these questions. They need that spiritual stimulation. We want to find a way to add more counselor time with the kids so that they can lead these discussions and really help these kids on their spiritual journey. We talked about St. G's and how they have a theme. Their theme is the Body of Christ. What could be more perfect for Kids that are entering society. There isn't just a spiritual theme but its life. Someone thats not even Christian can get something out of this theme. We talked about the stations of the cross. We liked Paris' presentation and compared it with the cross walk. I suggested that we revamp the cross walk so that the kids are not only hiking blind folded to the cross and stopping at each station and listen, but to experience the smells, the sounds, the feelings. Where Jesus was nailed to the cross, have the cabin hold a nail and have someone hammering a piece of wood. Where they talk about giving Jesus vinegar, let them smell or taste some themselves. At the top of hike, when I was a kid doing this, one of the counselors was standing there singing "Were you There when they crucified my lord." It was AMAZING

Before our conversation, I wasn't sure what the Holy Spirit was, but afterwards it was made very clear and I feel it ALL THE TIME. I feel it while typing these journal entries, I feel it when I pray, I feel it when I'm at Shrinemont. I feel it!

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T13:23:06Z

Happy Easter! Or atleast..its supposed to be happy. I attended the Sunrise service at Clover Hill this morning, only to find myself unmoved by the fact that this man, Jesus Christ, has risen. I went into deep thought, searching and searching from within me to figure out why we worship this MAN, this HUMAN MAN. He prayed to God, to his father. How does that make HIM God? Of all days, why was this the day that I least believe? This really upset me.

After the breakfast that the church provided I went up to the sanctuary to pray. I started to cry. It then dawned on me that I wasn't going to find my answer just kneeling there at the communion rail. I had to go to the place where God is most present to me.

I drove to North River Park. It isn't this specific place that I feel God, but anywhere in nature and most prevelent around rivers and bodies of water. This just happen to be the closest place I could go that I new would be silent to unnatural noises and where the water color is greenish blue, SO BEAUTIFUL!

I sat on a rock by the river bank. I took in my surroundings. There was a duck floating in the middle of the river. The sun was shining through the parted clouds. I was where I needed to be. I started to cry and ask why of all days, was this the day. And Why, as much as I'm wanting to believe and worship Jesus Christ, I couldn't.

Then it dawned on me. Pastor Rob, in not only the gospel reading, but in his sermon really stressed what Mary had said to Jesus when she saw that he was alive. "Teacher!"

Jesus is a teacher. Had I lived when Jesus was alive, and he approached me on the street, and said "I am the son of God, follow me and you will be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven" and I responded by saying "Alright! I'm game!" what would I have learned? What would Jesus have taught? And what would he be able to continue to teach? When someone just accepts what they are told, they do not learn, nor does the teacher teach. If Jesus' purpose is to teach us about God and how we should live, I need to question, I need to discover. Jesus is STILL doing the work he set out to do through the power of his existance and if I can believe that, I can believe that he is still alive.

Even if I'm not quite ready to accept the teaching of Jesus Christ, that doesn't mean I'm any less wonderful as a person either. Sometimes it takes more than the first lesson to understand a concept or a unit in school. Thats why teachers teach multiple lessons. No one is forcing me to accept this right now, today. Because if I did, what more would Jesus be able to teach me?

So I'm ok now. I'm lucky to atleast believe in God. Because God is the one who is guiding me here. I'm glad I'll always have him to talk to. I mean, if worse comes to worse...i could always become Jewish...

The Magnificent Defeat

2007-04-03T11:58:46Z

Last night, I finished the book, The Magnificent Defeat, by Frederick Buechner. Its a book for people that have trouble believing in what they WANT to beleive. Buechner goes through the life of Christ and makes a little more sense of everything, not by saying, this is who this man was and this is what he did. It says, this is what he was "said" to do, and this is what life lesson you should get from that.

In the chapter that talked about the Annouciation, he made a point to talk about the power of story telling and the impact it has on the reader. He was saying that though we may have heard the story of the birth of christ several times, for some reason, we are always sitting on the edge of our seat wanting to know what happens next. As he continues, he relates the coming of Christ to a boy of about 13. The boy, in a fit of rage, shoots a gun at his father and he dies not long after. When the boy was asked why he did it, he said because his father demanded too much from him, he was always after him, because he hated his father. A while later he was sitting in a house of detention and a guard heard sobs coming from his cell. The boy was saying "I want my father, I want my father!"

Beuchner then writes, "Our Father. We have killed him, and we will kill him again, and our world will kill him. And yet he is there. It is he who listens at the door. It is he who is coming. It is our father who is about to be born. Through Jesus Christ our Lord."

This really spoke to me. It made me think more about the purpose of Jesus. He was the son of God. He was put on this world to save us from killing our father, so to speak.

Then the next chapter in the book talks about the Birth. Buechner stategically writes this section using characters from the story of the Birth of Christ, but gives them fictional personalities to prove points...the power of story telling eh? He follows the Innkeeper, The Wisemen, and The Shepherd. The two I liked best were the Wisemen and the Shepherd.

At the end of the Wisemen's story, they looked at Baby Jesus and saw death on his face, then posed the question: "Is the truth beyond all truths, beyond the stars, just this: that to live without him is the real death, that to die with him is the only life?"

The shepherds story was my favorite. He says "Can I make you understand, I wonder?...It was there all the time, and you were looking at it all the time, but you didn't see it until just now." How many times does that happen to all of us for any given thing? An old boss of mine, Ken Malcom challenged the camp staff one year to see with "new eyes". We'd all been to Shrine Mont for years, but had we REALLY looked at it? I think it was that summer I became completely immersed in the history of Orkney Springs after hiking to Seven Springs and seeing all this old rusty equipment and piping. There is this REALLY cool purifier up stream of a little ways that has been there for years! I wish I could see how it works, but I'm guessing that pipes use to go from that to the hotel, and thats how they were able to make what is now the Commonwealth room and room of Baths from the different springs. Every time I go up there now, I try to just open my eyes in a new way, everytime I blink, and see something new. See something thats always been there but I've never seen before.

This book was fantastic. I recommend it for the Seekers Soul.

cowpiemares @ 2007-03-13T21:39:00

2007-03-14T02:23:55Z

I was talking to Emily Foster today and letting her read my journal entries. We were talking about Jesus and what his deal is. I told her I didn't think he was perfect because he was human. Then I mentioned the Holy Trinity. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, That I had a hard time believing that the "Trinity" was all in the same. I wasn't sure if I believed that Jesus was God or just the son of God. Then Emily told me something I didn't know. No where in the bible is the word "trinity" used to describe the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. The reason why they are assumed to be all in the same is because each of them have been referred to as God, Lord and other names to describe God. This is interesting. Emily did say that she was, too, confused by the fact that if Jesus was human, human being imperfect, but was also God, and God is perfect. Well is God perfect?

Lets examine the evidence: "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genisis 1: 27)

Ok, so God has created man in his OWN IMAGE! He created men the way HE wanted them to be. So if he's so perfect, he's going to make his people perfect. But the people weren't perfect. In fact, God acknowledges his mistake and does something about it...

"Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence. God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. So God said to Noah, 'I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.' " (Genisis 6: 11-13)

So God acknowledges his mistake and then fixes it. If he made a mistake does that not make him imperfect.

Its like an artist. They begin a painting and it doesn't turn out quite the way they wanted it so what do they do? They crumple it up and start over.

As did God with the world before the flood...

Thoughts?

cowpiemares @ 2007-03-11T21:37:00

2007-03-12T01:49:36Z

A few weeks ago, pastor Rob said, "Don't just dislike the people you aren't a huge fan of, pray for them and soon you will think differently of them." I have been doing just that. When people are frustrating me, I pray for them. I pray that they work out things for themselves or something like that.

I like this. (not that its been making a difference concerning my feelings towards one person that shall remain nameless). I'm praying for someone. I'm praying to GOD so that I can feel better about my relationship with a person I'm not getting a long with. If this is ultimately fixing the way I See the person, then God really isn't doing anything. Its ME doing something. Its ME changing the way I feel about a person. God doesn't really play a part in it.
The more I've been thinking about why we have faith, I feel like its something that we've made up to feel better about ourselves. Who does feel good thinking that they have a purpose in this world. Who doesn't feel good knowing that God and Jesus will ALWAYS love you. Who doesn't feel good knowing that you're forgiven of your sins.

Believing in God is like believing in ourselves. We're told to work for God. To Love God. To do good things through God. But if you replace God with "You". I feel like you get the same outcome. Is this coincidence? Is this how its supposed to be?

**Again, These are just thoughts that have passed through my brain. They are not my absolute beliefs.

Wife + Child = Can't be Taken Seriously

2007-03-09T03:35:28Z

So the hunt for answers continues...as I was having a conversation with Whitney today, she brought up the point: Whats the big deal if Jesus had a wife and a child? Does that make everything he said and taught null and void? Of course not! What is the big deal though, does anyone know why people believe that there is no possible way that he couldn't have a wife and child?

Whats all the Hype?

2007-03-06T14:20:43Z

As Phil and I were talking about some ideas for props last night, we started talking about The Lost Tomb of Jesus. Something he said stuck me as interesting. He made the comment, Well the Jews and Muslims admit that Jesus exists but they never got in a hype about him. Why not? Who was this person that was deemed the "Son of God?" I mean, thats a pretty extreme claim and just as the Jews probably thought it was crazy, would we not think that if someone showed up here on earth today and claimed to be the second coming of christ, that that person was crazy? So, if we as Christians believe that Christ will come again to judge the living and the dead...what if we missed it because we didn't believe the person. Jesus is going to have to perform some pretty kick ass miracles. I mean, doctors can perform some pretty amazing miracles. Scientists can probably make water into wine. So, whoever tihs next Christ is going to be, there going to have to come up with something big.

I guess where I can also be confused is that most Christians believe that Jesus is God in the form of Man. Well, I mean, there are times where he has prayed to God...why would you pray TO yourself for answers? I mean, its just weird. "Father, why have you forgotten me?" Granted, this is a quote from 2000 years ago. Maybe he really said, "Why are you forgetting yourself?" as he spoke to himself. Ha! My point is, it was 2000 years ago, everyone has these quotes that honestly, I just don't believe. Have you ever retold a story but changed the words just to make your story better? YES! You have! Everyone has! No one recorded these quotes word for word.

This is not to be confused with me not believing, because Lord knows if it weren't for God I wouldn't have gotten through this past year. I am a firm believer if you don't question your faith, you have no room to grow spiritually. I just wanted to throw all these thoughts out there.

Judah, Son of Jesus

2007-03-05T19:11:40Z

Last night I watched a show on discovery Channel called "The Lost Tomb of Jesus".

Here is a little tag from the website:

"Hundreds of ancient tombs have been discovered in Jerusalem, but one may rewrite the early history of Christianity. In 1980 a construction crew exposed a family tomb which had remained hidden since the first century C.E. Carved above the tomb entrance were unusual symbols. Inside the tomb archaeologist found ten ossuaries--small limestone coffins in which Jews of the time placed the bones of their dead. While only 20% of ossuaries discovered in Israel have inscriptions, six of the 10 in this tomb had writing on them. The team removed the boxes, catalogued them, and stored them in a warehouse. It was not until years later that other researchers noticed this particular cluster of names. Taken together, they seemed to be a list of members of Jesus' Fmaily."

This is what was said to be Jesus' family tree:

Joseph and Mary
Yose (nickname for Joseph), Judas, James, Simon, Miriam, Salome, Jesus

The Ossuaries found in the tomb:
Mary, Matthew, James, Jesus, Mariamne, Juda

(James was found later. It has been extracted from the tomb and sold to a collector who when heard about these findings and made the connection that he bought this around the 1980's he brought it back.)

It is not likely that miriam and Salome would be burried in their family's tomb because they would have been married and been in their husbands tomb.

Experts believe that there are some passages in the bible that would lead us to believe that Matthew (a disciple of Jesus) could have been a brother of Mary.

These are the inscriptions on the ossuaries:

Maria= Mary
Matia= Matthew
Jose= (Yose) Joseph
James= James, son of Joseph, Brother of Jesus (prooving that Joseph was the father of this clan)
Jesus= Jesus, son of Joseph (further proof of Joseph being the father)
Mariamne= Mary known as master
Judah= Judah, Son of Jesus

Bone fragments were taken from the osstuary of Jesus and Mariamne and after tests they concluded that it is NOT likely that Mariamne was related to this family.

Seeing as though there was an osstuary with Judah son of Jesus inscripted on it, this would conclude that Jesus had a child and since no other ossuaries in the tomb were known to be male or female, the familiarity of Mary Magdalene being present in the bible suggest that they were married and had a cild.

Experts went on to point out places in the bible that might refer to Jesus having a child. John 13:23, following the last supper, there is an unnamed disciple who reclines with his head against Jesus' chest--a description that, to some, suggest a child sleeping in his lap. Also in John 19: 25-27 Jesus on the cross says, "Women, behold they son" then tells an unnamed disciple to "Behold they mother." This has been interpreted as Jesus speaking to his own mother, but the alternate is that he was speaking to Mary Magdalene who WAS present and asking that she protect THEIR child.

I haven't looked up these passages myself, but I can't imagine them being lies. Since, after all, they are quoted on the Discovery Channel.

I also couldn't stay awake for the last 15 minutes, but I couldn't imagine how much more would develope.

I didn't really understand what he was saying, because it was math but this statistics professor figured out that there is only a 1 in 600 chance that this is NOT the tomb of Jesus and his family.

I'm not completely sold that all of this is true, and you never know if there was tampered evidence. But Jesus was human. I don't believe he was perfect because he WAS human. So why would it not be possible that he married Mary Magdalene and had a child? Is there anything in the bible that says that Jesus was not ALLOWED to be married and to reproduce? I'm not sure but if anyone knows, let me know.

I don't believe that Jesus healed the sick. God did it THROUGH Jesus. Well, maybe, I just kinda thought of that right now. But again, Jesus did some of the same things that Moses did, did he not? God did things THROUGH chosen people. The difference being, Moses was not the "Son of God". Then it just goes back, to, believing that the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all one. I don't know if I belive it or not. I'm still figuring out my opinion.

Thoughts are welcome.

cowpiemares @ 2007-03-04T15:26:00

2007-03-04T20:28:54Z

So in church, Pastor Rob said, "To have a successful marriage, You put God First, your spouse second, and your children third." I guess I prioritize atleast the spouse and the kids by who I'd most likely jump in front of if there was someone with a gun. I'd more likely jump in front of my child. Doesn't that make them more important?

Envy

2007-03-04T04:23:21Z

Envy...

"Envy is the consuming desire to have everybody else as unsuccessful as you are."

Read that back to yourself everytime you are jealous of someone...

cowpiemares @ 2007-02-27T19:57:00

2007-02-28T01:10:53Z

Survey for people who live or lived in Maryland.

1. City you were from?
Leonardtown and Valley Lee. St. Mary's County, baby!

2. Crabs?
Straight out of the fucking bay!

3. What do you think of the beltway?
Yeah see...there is a whole other part of maryland that is beltway free...thats where I tend to stay

4. Do you go to Ocean City?
Went twice. Love the off season because NO one was there. Over the summer I'd rather slit my wrists than go to that dirty filthy place.

5. Deep Creek Lake?
nope

6. What do you think about Ehrlich?
I don't think about him because I don't live in MD anymore

7. Maryland State Police - Maryland's Finest?
Marylands Most Fucked Up

8. QB of the Ravens?
1. I dislike football
2. And of all teams, I would NEVER follow the Ravens

9. Do you play lacrosse or know someone who does?
Of course. Most of my bestfriends played.

10. Have you been across the Bay Bridge?
yep

11. Can you use traffic circles?
I mean, i have successfully navigated my way through one but I am no expert

12. Do you think of LA when you hear the word "Pasadena"?
I guess. But I think of Maryland when I hear California since I grew up near California MD

13. Does your county have a police force?
You better believe it

14. Do you fly out of BWI more often than Regan National or Dulles?
Yes

15. Is it Washington or D.C.?
D.C.

16. Have you ever ridden on the Metrorail?
Yes

17. What does 695, 295, 495, 95, etc mean to you?
HELL for a country bumpkin like myself

18. Have you ever been to the HFStival?
No because I'm a country music fan, but again, all my bffs went

19. Do you complete every sentence with the word "Hon"?
No, and neither does ANYONE else from MD that I know

20. Do you know what a bar crawl is?
HELL YEAH!

21. Bar golf?
no

22. You've been here for the stupid, loud cicadas?
I remember playing soccer and having them fly in my face

23. Does the Preakness mean anything to you?
Drunken Nakedness...and some horses

24. Is the Inner Harbor a great place or what?
Haven't been in a while but yes

25. You know what a terp is?
Its a UMD's Mascot, thats a turtle...how the hell is that intimidating?

26. Do you know someone who works for the Federal/State gov?
Yep, everyone in the county

27. Do you know about the sniper?
Yeah...because everything cancelled!!

28. Have you ever seen a sign that says Believe and do you know what those signs mean?
No

29. Do you know where Ft. Meade is?
yea

30. When you order a soft drink what do you ask for - pop, soda, or coke?
soda

60% Brutally Honest

2007-02-25T15:00:55Z

You Are 60% Brutally Honest

Honesty is important to you, but generally, you try not to be brutal about it.
You'll sugar coat the truth when you need to... and tell a white lie when necessary.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

cowpiemares @ 2007-02-24T16:35:00

2007-02-24T21:35:15Z

cowpiemares @ 2007-02-23T09:30:00

2007-02-23T14:30:58Z

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon.
You're in touch with your emotions and intuition.
You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory.
Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone).
A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

Jesus Camp

2007-02-19T04:56:54Z

MAD Camp next summer anyone???

Flute Beatboxer

2007-02-16T23:06:54Z